I Wish You Were Here
by Pikawhore
Summary: Xander's thoughts at his wedding to Anya. Based on Season 6 spoilers. X/A, B/S, B/X angst.


Title: I Wish You Were Here.  
  
Author: Pikawhore.  
  
Disclaimer: Blah blah blah not mine blah Josh's blah.  
  
Feedback: Yes Please.  
  
Author's note: Starts from Xander's POV. From there you guys can figure it out.  
  
"We are gathered here today to witness the union of these two people in holy matrimony."  
  
I look across to Anya, looking as beautiful as ever in the wedding dress that we had picked out. The smile on her face lights up the elegant church we are in, and can only be rivaled by the smile I have on mine. I can't believe it's finally happening. From today onwards I can finally call the woman I love my wife. When she fills out the form to apply for a new credit card, she'll write 'Harris' under 'Last Name'. And under 'Marital Status' she'll be able to choose 'Blissfully so'. A trivial detail, I know, but one that makes me unbelievably ecstatic.  
  
My best man pats my shoulder reassuringly, lending me strength. Just like him Giles has always been like a father to me, helping me pull through the times that my self esteem was lower than Harmony's IQ, encouraging me to strive for better things and letting me know that I deserve better things. From what he told me he's doing quite well in London. He's new magic shop, "Books & Broomsticks", is doing quite well, and he hasn't even been assaulted on the job or anything. He says that he has patched things up with the Watcher's Council and we should feel the benefits of that reconciliation very soon.  
  
Anya had chosen Tara as her bridesmaid. Not surprising since the both of them had never been part of our little group. Kindred spirits and all. Tara is dressed in a hideous. . . 'thing'. The first thing that came into my mind the first time I saw it (other than the uncontrollable giggle fit that is) is that I've seen demons with less purple on them than that dress. Anya, being her usual blunt self, exclaimed "Good! Now next to that eggplant, I'll look even more beautiful than ever!". Even with that dress on, Tara still has a genuine smile on her face. She seems to have bounced back well from the whole thing with Willow.  
  
Willow. After nearly killing Dawn with her magic, Willow finally realized that she was in trouble. With Gile's help, we were able to locate a Hellmouth-sensitive councilor to help her overcome her addiction. She now has therapy sessions three times a week, and only uses magic when she absolutely has to. Tara had broken up with her, but now it seems that those two are finally picking up the pieces.  
  
Next to Willow on the front pew, Dawn is fidgeting uncomfortably. She must not like the dress she is wearing. Or it could be the nervousness of being around Willow. After a lot of apologizing on Willow's part, Dawn finally agreed to talk to her. Though they don't share the closeness that they once had, they are trying. It's not easy to forgive someone for trying to kill you after all.  
  
So my Xander shaped life is on the verge of good right now. It's not perfect but I'm getting there. I'm getting married to the woman I love, in front of friends that are like family to me. So why am I not happy?  
  
Why, god, do I not feel total happiness in my heart?  
  
Maybe it's because she isn't here. The girl whom I spent six god damned years of my life trying to make her happy isn't here to share in my joy. It's not like she owes it to me to be here or anything. I have only been here best friend for six years. I've only saved her life countless times.  
  
Sigh, I know that Buffy's not in a good place right now. Being pulled out of heaven can do that to you. But that doesn't mean you can push your friends away. That doesn't mean you can practically spit on your best friend's wedding by refusing to attend because you are feeling miserable.  
  
Maybe that's why I can't feel happiness. Buffy has done so much to make the world a better place. If anyone deserves happiness, it's her. If she can't obtain happiness, than I don't deserve to either.  
  
I realize that after this day I can't be her White Knight anymore. I can't rush headlong to her defence whenever she is in trouble. If it were only my life I was sacrificing, I would gladly do it. But from this day forward, my life, my soul, is shared by another. Anya has been trying to get me to stop patrolling, and I have the feeling she is going to ask me to move out of Sunnydale. And I'm seriously considering it.  
  
I wonder where Buffy is right now. Most probably with Spike. I just can't comprehend how she finds solace in that monster. I said earlier that Dawn was having trouble forgiving Willow for nearly killing her. So how does Buffy forgive Spike for the time he tried to kill us all? Not to mention all the murders he had successfully committed.  
  
Oh. Father O'brien is starting with the vows right now. I'd better pay attention. You know what, I am happy.  
  
I just hope that wherever she is, Buffy is happy too.  
  
  
  
Buffy slams Spike onto his crypt. She stands over him, a emotionless look on her face. Suddenly, Spike trips her, causing her to fall right on her back. He quickly pins her down, and looks into her eyes.  
  
"I knew you'd be back, Slayer."  
  
  
  
"Do you, AleXander, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, 'till death do you part?"  
  
"I do."  
  
  
  
Spike starts to kiss Buffy passionately, at first she tries to resist but she finally gives in.  
  
They break the kiss after a long lip lock.  
  
"Do it, Spike."  
  
Spike face suddenly contorts to that of his vampiric visage.  
  
  
  
"Do you, Anya, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, 'till death do you part?"  
  
"I do."  
  
  
  
Spike bares his fangs and lowers his head toward the soft flesh of Buffy's neck.  
  
Buffy closes her eyes as she feels the sharp incisors piercing her artery, sucking the lifeforce out of her.  
  
  
  
"By the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you man and wife."  
  
  
  
"I Wish You Were Here" by Incubus  
  
I dig my toes into the sand.  
  
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket.  
  
I lean against the wind, pretend that i am weightless and in this moment i am happy.  
  
[Chorus:]  
  
I wish you were here  
  
I wish you were here  
  
I wish you were here  
  
I wish you were here.  
  
I lay my head onto the sand.  
  
The sky resembles a backlit canopy with holes punched in it.  
  
I'm counting ufo's.  
  
I signal them with my lighter  
  
and in this moment i am happy, happy.  
  
[Chorus]  
  
The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in.  
  
Maybe I should hold with care,but my hands are busy in the air.  
  
[Chorus] 


End file.
